Change is something I'm not great at dealing with. Yet it's something I welcome with open arms. How is that even possible?
I've long been a person of structure and routine. Yes, I will admit that. I like a plan, I like to know what I'm getting myself into and I enjoy consistency. At the same time, I love starting fresh. I enjoy a new beginning, a new opportunity and the chance to try something different. Aren't those like completely contradictory?!
Since entering my mid-20s, I've felt this constant urge for change AND stabilization.
Maybe this is the outcome of all the things I learned at 25. Checkout that recap post here. But I've felt this way for awhile. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy or dissatisfied with where I'm at in life. But I'm at this place where I feel like big changes should be occurring. Everything around me seems to stay consistent. Consistently blogging. Consistently going home to the same evening routine. Consistently single, ha. Consistently paying bills. Consistently moving apartments.
I know some people actually relish in consistency, ha! So my apologies, I'm not complaining here. Just sharing my journey.
I've just had this strong desire for something different. Yet I also want to feel more settled. UGH! Have any of y'all gone through this? Or felt this way?
Maybe I've felt this way because the past five years have pretty much been the same. If you think about it, there was always change growing up. You went from middle school to high school. High school to college. Change, change, change. Yet, post graduation you enter into this whole other realm of life where change isn't consistent. You find a job and a place to live and you're there for a lot longer than three or four years. At least this is my case. Everyone is different.
There isn't that "next step" that's insight, and maybe that is what makes it hard to feel one way or the other. I want to be settled into a city, with a boyfriend and that white picket fence fantasy. Yet at the same time, I want to know what's next. I seek change, yet want normalcy. Is that the battle of my century, or is it just plain ole growing up?
This past weekend I took my first step towards fighting this battle.
I've moved a lot over the past 4.5 years I've been in DC. Maybe this constant moving is what continues to trigger my desire for something different. So, my first big change of 26 is that I'm moving... again. But this time I'm finally signing a long term lease and with a brand new property that I'm really excited about. It's my dream apartment y'all. I'm hoping that this move will bring me that sense of permanency and teach me that change isn't always necessary.
Tell me, how do you get through the constant battle of change vs. feeling settled. Am I the only one going through this right now?
Photo via Unsplash